so i finally get to get online a good decent half an hour at least for how long? heck knows la.. yeah.. what have i been up to ha? ART. STUPID EFFING PAIN IN THE ASS ART...

havent slept properly for a good few days just to finish up my work till heck knows what time at nite JUST for a bloody dateline that keeps on getting postphoned.. and postphoned.. and postphoned.. assholes i tell u. i do not wanna touch my paintbrush or do anything close to painting anytime soon after im done with this shit i tell you. the bloody pain of it. so for rite now.. screw chapter 3 kuz every single drop of kreativiti or inovasi or wadashiti has been sucked dry right outta my ass.. i'll try and get some pics of my smeared crap on art paper up soon.. but in the mean time...

i know its some kinda form of speech but
reading this at 2am in the morning
can throw u off the chair.. haha..

so yea.. who says nothing good comes from reading the newspapers? haha. anyways.. i got myself two new toys for my comp. a nice little microphone and a nice little pair of nice little earphones. haha.. finally. so yea.. most of the time now im using them to record a few songs ive wrote recently and a few i wrote a while ago.. inspiration seems quite abundant now. i got a few people to thank for that.. haha.. and yea, june ur gonna get ur guitar boy playing u a song in the airport.. dun worry. haha.

last tuesday was good.. went out for a mamak session ( yes, session.. these things are serious k x] ) with penny and my long lost sesated life buddy kdir.. man, that guy ah.. aihz.. anyways.. the session went on for much longer than we expected it wud be. by the time i checked my watch it was already 2 in the morning. i called my mom n surprisingly she was all cool with it.. or mebbe she was just too groggy.. so yea, told her i would be spending the nite out with kdir.. left the mamak.. went to penny's and ended up staying at her place cuz kdir's mom sleeping adi cannot open gate for us.. hahaha.. kdir's mom's the bomb la.. wahaha..

so yea.. it went much better than i expected it would.. both of them patched so much stuff up.. all 3 of us had a bloody hell of a fun time lying on the main road at 3am in the morning and crapping till heck knows what time.. man.. the closer it gets to 6am the higeher penny gets.. o_O she was practically skipping around the house flapping her arms trying to fly at the time her dad got up to fetch her to school but found two guys sleeping in the hall and his daughter running around the house instead.. haha.. and damn, her parents are fine with all that.. penny i want ur parents la.. please? =p

yeah.. all patched up between the both of them =) check..
it feels good.. they're good.. all of us are good.. this is good. agreed? agreed.. now i needa get kdir back on his feet again. bloody boarding schools.. dont send ur kids to them.. trust me. unless u want a zombie-fied nerdy lifeless kid send la

cheer's this weekend.. friend from bu4 school wanted me to go to support what was that team.. er.. blitzers i think.. got a couple of ppl from my school going. me? dunno.. got the competitions coming up the same morning anyways. bloody tired. oh, yi ping's back. haha.. no u ppl dun go near her thanks.. u scared her enough last year thankyou. she's got her driving license = i got a new driver. haha.. and we're patching things up as well. man.. she's back for good this time. must have pretty mad in singapore. but ya.. she's working in the gym in ou and that means free passes for me again.. hehe. she keeps saying she owes me something for something and what do i want her to owe me.. i dunno!! what dyu want a girl to owe u? *grins* everyone shutup.. this is not happening

so yeah.. life's good. it'll be better when my art's finally done and i finish my song i wrote for jing.. u ppl who've heard it adi tell me what u think yea? i wanna do it up properly..

aight thats enough.. fingers tired adi

i think i should be meeting up with penny a bit later..

peace ppl

turns out that the music fest is this weekend and yea.. oh joy. no time to practice already. Im going to be going to taylor's anyway for a bio med course.. My first day at college. hahah.. shit. waking up at 7 in the morning on saturday is a sin. aih, what to do.

anyways, chapter two of the story is already done. Its up and posted already. And yeah, ive added and changed and done alot to it cuz i have people's privacy to keep u know. Haha.. but u guys can probably guess the rest of it. It has more or less turned into a story based on the real thing so yea, u can expect alot of mushy mushy- winter sonata- kinda thing in it. Live with it la. Very dramatic but yea, haha.. if it turns out good i'll work on the whole thing again and maybe try and find a publisher for it. haha.. enjoy. The link's on the side bar.

yawn.. tired. gonna sleep. take care people

time : 6.45pm
mood : balancing it still
song im listening to : nickelback's album

yea so today school came back again and last nite was the first time in my whole friggin life i actually stayed up to watch football.. somethings definately wrong in the air now.. oboi..

results came back, and our dear dear dear puan ramlah friggin scared the shit outta us when we all were soo damn kpc and decided to peer into her laptop at the end of bio.. damn it ive nvr felt so sick in my life.. WHO THE FRIGGIN SHIT WOULD EXPECT A DAMN VIDEO OF SOME WOMAN GIVING BIRTH I TELL YOU? oh my good shit i tell you.. my whole body was shivering thru the whole of chem until we went home. lesson ming has learnt today ( and probably half the 5 keledang class ) = dont - so - kepoh.. Amen..

friend called up and told me bout some fest-fare.. wadever it was happening somewhere this end of the month. some quite big event thing, got bands and stuff.. good publicity.. jeff cant make it again.. the rest of the guys dont mind.. how? go only la.. haha.. i love my band.

oh shit, gtg.. dad came back.. dinner then addmath tonite.. oh the fun.

due to popular demand and my weakening voice box and declining mood.. i am posting up the recent event of my life that u kepoh people just need to know on another blog so i do not need to repeat myself when you people come up and ask...

tho.. i have turned it into a drama-story-type kinda thing.. i think its pretty interersting. i might turn it into a book when im done.. haha.. so please note, its a more or less a story now, ive added and taken out somethings. its fiction based on a true story k? haha

anyways.. chapter 1's complete...i'll try and put in at least 1 chapter a week. for now, my dear classmates, be contented with the first.

Note! all the names have been changed but im sure u stupid people can guess who is who.. thank you.. here's the link..


My Korean Drama

ive also put the link on the sidebar of this blog so its easier lah...

tell me if ther's any spelling mistakes yea
enjoy

sincerely yours

to everyone who has been in all this.. i want to say thanks for everything. every one of you has taught me loads and im thankful for all that uve shared with me...

i do regret meeting all of you under these events and circumstances.. i wish it could have been better..

i have annoyed, frustrated, pissed, heck ive been a bloody pest.. i am totally aware and honestly, i did not have any intention to be that way, i despise people like that, its not me.. but i did act like that. but i hope that u understand that.. i have reacted according to the situation i have been put in. if u were in my shoes you would have probably felt the same.. its kinda hard trying to explain and talk abt some things because we've only known each other that much.. all i can hope is that in time u will understand..

all i can offer is an apology for all that. its up to u to accept it. im sorry.. forgive me

ive said enough.. i will not try to explain myself anymore.. i leave it to all of you to make ur own conclusions about me..

damn it this is as formal as it gets.. lol

but yeah.. again, i thank everyone.. for everything, as little as it might mean to all of you. i really am thankful for every one of you.. and for every single thing all of you have done. i mean it.. i do

u people really really rock

i'll go now.. i hope i'll be a memory for you all.. a good one at that

u guys...girls take care aight? make sure you do..

its been great

it has, it has



ming

aihz.. hey people.. school's back again.. and with it my results.. yeah.. those i expected to not do too good came out quite ok.. those i expected to do good.. didnt come out okay.. haha.. but yeah, a bit better than last term.. my classmates are back.. my teachers.. my homework.. all my tuitions.. yeap.. school's back again..

its wednesday again and i just got back from ou.. finally replaced the batteries in two of my watches.. bro got a shirt.. i got some ice cream.. walk walk walk.. now im back here..

man... i hate wednesdays.i really do.. people hate mondays, i hate wednesdays.. i dunno why. but it seems to me, every single friggin bad shitty screwed up mixed up pointless thing happens to me on wednesdays. dental appointments, accidents, goin to skool late, getting into fights.. the whole works la.. was friggin moody the whole day thru in skool.. didnt give a shit to anything any teacher was talking abt.. slept.. drooled on my exam papers.. everyone in the class just had to decide to start doing the class page all of a sudden. yeah.. dammm fun today.. wheee..

but yeah. at least im here for a while.. blog out all my crap here. i dunno la.. its so different nowadays.. everything feels empty.. i mean. yea you guys know im not always like this i mean i do have fun in skool and all.. and i love all u beautiful skool people.. u guys drive me up the wall n i love every minute of it.. im not complaining abt al that. but when i come back home.. im not used to seeing my phone blank.. no more msg waiting to greet me when i get home and no someone to msg anymore..

man..

i duno la.. at least the results are getting the best of my piss-ee-ness now..

YEAH la.. SOME people have to make people READ THEIR BLOGS to FIND OUT they've actually been to the HOSPITAL during the holidays... whatt man.. u know we all can always come and visit u, u know?? i mean.. u got hospital food and nurses dun share with us la now?? hahha.. but good thing ur better la jian..dam sad u wasted ur whole term break..

oh yea.. i wanna go see fast and furios tokyo drift.. shit..


peace people

kayz... im finally feeling better..
i admit i havent really been too good the last few days.. yeah.. a few of you guys (n girls) mite have already guessed that but..
thanks so much for sticking with me.. you people know me well.. and yea.. june thanks for the last minute starbucks.. it was really helpful.. haha.. u know u can always count on me to be there for you and your poor poor lonely self because ur boy's not =P k la im bad.. haha.. but yea.. im always gonna stick up for you.

i just got back from the field.. and hey.. running around, for me, really does make my mood better.. b4 this i was already so frigging "fms-ing" according to a few nice girlfriends of mine.. wadashit does fms stand for? eff-ed up male syndrome? yea i guess it does huh.. but yeah.. no more adi.. period over xD hahah... umm


ohhh shit.. yea..


i got my hair cut damn it >. <

DAMN it...

stupid stupid stupid government school's i tell you.. yea afi, maybe i SHOULD have just been some korean gay boy and i COULD have gone to garden skool and have kept my hair.. but no, i'd become an asshole in that school from what ive heard from my friends there.. haha.. thank you God for putting me in du.. i cudnt ask for more than u beautiful people haha..

but yea.. i got 10mins more.. and nothing to do... here we go..

why ming dun like hair cuts

1. the night before when my mom says im gonna get my hair cut the next day.. suddnly my hair looks so good..
   
2. the trip to the barber is like a trip to go sunat urself kuz its more or less cutting part of ur body off.. but ya, better hair than balls.. i dunno wat im saying
3. people freakin stare at you when u walk into the place and memorize ur hairstyle BEFORE you cut it then they slowwlyyy enjoy watching ur time spent on washing, money spent on conditioner bla bla bla falling off your head.. then they freakin stare at you n snigger when ur done..
4. freakin hairstylist bad mood = bad hair til the next cut..
   
5. maybe im just mad.. i love my hair dam it..

so now.. my head feels so light. its less warmer of course but still very sayang la.. oh at least all my brown dye has been cut off adi.. so now pn. chong cant friggin chase me with her scissors hunting me down all over skool.. is it just me or do these teachers like to chase me? k its just me.. i think im drunk right now.. drunk on air.. i dunno la.. its me.

i feel better when im back like this

and yeah.. i gotta learn patience now.. its hardd la.. and damn it drinking coffee dun help.. blehhh

anyways.. i hope things turn out right la.. i dont want anyone feeling bad anymore..


okAY.. dinner.. hungry.. bbye ppl.. peace

ive always been known for being stupid, dumb, and just a brainless person. and yea i have to agree.. i know i do stupid things.. when i cant think straight, when im emotionally troubled, when im too high or just when im me.. they fly outta my words and actions like a pump gun pumping a freaking 100 rounds into ur chest a minute.. yea thats me... today.. this post.. i really dont know what im saying anymore.. i dont have the words to anymore.. i just wanted to do something cuz ive tortured myself in silence enough yesterday..
i wanna let it out.. even if it dont mean a shit but at least i'll feel better..

firstly, penny if ur reading this but i doubt you are.. really, thanks for everything youve done.. no, im not being sarcastic or anything of the sort but i mean it. i know i tick u off.. i always have. but ur a great girl penny.. yea i know ur advice may sway here and there and what u say or do isnt really exactly right but hey.. im a friend.. i make mistakes as well.. and i dont really care when u do.. thats what friends are arent they?
i know ur really trying to help. and im so glad u are.. and im so sry because i know that lately ive just been a pain up the ass.. i dont even need to try now.. everything's so numb i just utter out words without thinking and i know ive annoyed you.. you don't need to put up with me... but you did.. thanks penny... ur a great girl.. and i guarantee you. people who are great have great things coming their way.. promise..

and to ash.. i dont even know whthr u'd be reading this but.. eventhough ive known you for such a short time.. though i wish that we would have been able to through a better circumstance and event.. you've been a strength to me in alot of ways.. when i needed a pat on the back, a few words of hope.. you've been all that.. ive put u thru hard times, annoyed you ( i always feel im annoying people and hey i am ).. but uve nvr ever came out snapping back at me.. u are a one in a million person u know ash? and with you being here.. for her.. i cant ever be more thankful that someone like u will always be there for her.. and you of all people know the best about what im going thru.. and i cant thank you enough.. i'll buy u a drink or sth one day k? haha.. no shutup and just take it when i do.. haha..

damn it this feels like some oscar acceptance speech.. haha..

but.. the only oscar im getting this year is for the best loser

now.. im too scared to say things cuz ive said enough. cuz ive done what i think i need to do. cuz ive pissed enough people off who were only trying to help. cuz ive said things that i thought id nvr possibly utter out.. but im stupid. i do that.. right now.. i wonder who would even begin to believe me.. would anyone believe that i.. this dumb boy.. did something dumb for the good of all for once in his life.. i dont know i dont wanna say anything.. talk to anyone anymore. no, not anyone in particular.. just the whole world..

now.. im too scared to listen.. ive heard enough from people who just keep saying things i really dont want.. and dont NEED to hear. fine i know what ive done.. but cant u just cut me a LITTLE slack? thats all im asking.. let others be.. let me be.. right now the more i hear from anyone or anything.. the more my already mixed up screwed up wound up self gets mixed up screwed up and wound up even more..

now.. im too scared to pick up my phone.. to look at anything that comes my way.. to close my eyes at night.. to open them again in the morning.. to face life itself for now.. yea well, this is me.. and this is what happens to me when i know ive done something i nvr wanted to do...

but why in the world did i?

i went thru the whole of yesterday evening and nite thinking..

i dont wanna say anything anymore.. i really dont wanna keep saying sry anymore cuz so many people take me being soft for granted and they freaking piss me off.. but i cant help it.. i always feel guilty.. as much as im saying all this right here. it sucks.. it burns me inside so badly..


shit this. im so freaking dissapointed with myself.. no, thats not the word..
im so pissed, im upset, i feel disgraceful even looking in the mirror now.. even typing all this because everything ive ever done is crap.. lately that is.


last year.. i swore to myself, i made a promise for life..

if i CAN do something about anything
i'd do it
no matter what
no matter what i feel
just what i know will help
what i think is right
cuz i dont want to regret
not doing anything about
when i could have made it better

yea i remember why i said those words like it was just yesterday.. well, for one thing.. for this.. at least i can be a little proud of my useless self of what ive done yesterday.. and

i kept those words.. one cheer for ming.. yay..

but now at least i wont die.. nope..

dyings not for me..

its not for anyone damn it

have hope

=D ahaha.. see what a little sugar does to ming

p o u r

trying to understand is hard right now..
but where my understanding stops, my heart takes over..
i trust u, always have. and always will..
i wont hate or loathe or despise or curse or that sort.. i cant
what i can do is offer every ounce of help i can..

i know u have ur own problems to deal with.. im not saying i dont have mine..
i don't know if its really you or just ur state of mind going thru this right now.. but..
i just hate reading all uve typed because u sound so pathetic, so helpless, so willing to give me up for ur weakness..
for sounding so stupid because i know u can actually fight this.. making this sound so like an excuse for not telling me uve already lost that something special for you..
i'd really hate it if it's really your hormones going into overdrive now and me being the victim of that..
and

i just hate myself for not being able to do anything more
for actually doing what uve told me to do
for doing everything that i did
for not doing the things i should have done
for saying that id help you heal but now im not
for getting in so deep

but i cant stop worrying
caring..
or loving..

its so hard for me to read al uve said because to me it sounds like ur already giving up

giving up on something we have fought for..
giving up on something we have always been searching for..
giving up on me..

im not...
i want to help..
i dont want you to go throught this alone..
i dont care when u say you dont want to hurt me.. ur only gonna make it worse keeping this up..
i dont want to push you.. but i cant just stand here seeing u fall..
yet i cant offer you what you dont want to accept..
i want to save you..

u know..
u cant say u dont want to hurt me when ur doing this..

u know..
i cant and i wont hate you because ive been trying to tell you that this is normal..

if it isnt.. it means that there is actually no love..

hear me at least on this..
if you want to protect me..
protect me from you..
this side of you..
no..
not this way..
now all you're doing is running..
and leaving both of us to bleed it out..

i know uve gone thru this before..
and ur friends say u'll come around
i know your strong
and im so proud of you that you are
but im gonna bleed to death
im done asking u to let me help..
u say i am..
im not..
im making it worse

please know that
i know what ur trying to do..
to get urself away from me..
please know that i know..
that u need time..
im really trying to give it to you..
i really am..

but at the same time
im trying to rope you up from ur corner..
i need a little tug now and then to let me know..
ur hanging on at the end
ur still alive
ur still there
and that would just give me new strength to pull through..

dont say
" leave me alone here,
no dont you dare come down
i dont want you to get ur hands dirty
or ur arms scratched
or ur clothes muddy
i dont want you to endanger urself in the end
forget u saw me here
go away
i'll find a way up myself "

all you're gonna hear from up here is
"no i wont,
i cant leave you down there
not while you've seen what its like up here..
how beautiful it is.."

"hang on okay??
here comes the rope..
im coming down
and nothing's gonna stop me
if you want time
i'll wait a while
but im always gonna be ready to get you out"

"i'll get you out
and carry you in my arms
and get you to the hospital
get you some help
i'll nurse your wounds back
till everything heals..
let me..
please"

"but..
if i fall
i'll stay with you down there
i'll hold you
and never leave you
till we find a way out..
i promise"

"here goes nothing"

for her
ive spilled all my pride on the floor
dropped down to her feet
to help her stand back up
and i look like
a
worthless piece of crap
doing it..
but im human..
and i have feelings as well..
here they are

i wait..
i care..
i love..

yea it sucks..
tell me abt it..
but what the hey..

quotes Ash..
"ride this rough wave and come out stronger"

amen amen..

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

anywayz.. its time to get through today..
1st step.. a day at a time..

slow...

i think its just me..
but it seems like the minutes are crawling today.. the hours pushing themselves along on the floor.. lingering every once in a while..
yeah.. we learn to deal and accept somethings.. we learn that the people we thought we could least speak to, were the ones that actually would take everything we say and understand it the most..
me? im by nature, hyper active.. i cant help it. haha.. we people have been born with our adrenaline pumping more than usual people.. with butts that cant sit down for an extra second or minute.. can u guess why today's killing me yet? no? k.. i'll go on..

i know how u feel buddy

i woke up at 7 tdy.. i couldnt sleep anymore.. no, i dont think i was troubled.. i felt quite ok, quite lost, quite sad and quite happy in a way. yea.. i know im weird, u dont need to tell me i am.. i got a whole loada people here alrdy telling me that.. haha.. but yeah.. ur entitled to ur opinion.. isnt everyone? so yea.. up at 7.. picked up my phone.. replied her.. laid back on my bed.. thnking what was really up with her? did she fall asleep or was she doing something else?.. yea.. ming cant help but worry sometimes.. he's paranoid.. and i wanna change for the better. i made a pact with someone to follow that someone's advice.. n i am.. i have to admint its kinda hard.. its always hard following someone's advice.. duh.. haha.. but nothing bad abt it, i know its for the good.. and hey, who doesnt like whats good for you? cept those fat kids that come to McD's at friggin 9 in the morning to buy VANILLA ICE CREAM for breakfast. helloooo, kids.. eat something more nutricious k??? at the least.. go drink some can apple juice.. even thats better.. but no i wont get into that story YET.. i'll save that for another time...

it was meant to be finding this pic..
meant to be i tell you..

anyways.. i laid in bed till abt 9.. staring at the ceiling and out my window at the occasional little bird that would sit on the cable outside... and i wonder... what is it like being so round.. yet u can fly? i bet u feel good dont you? yeah.. thats me in the mornings.. anything but logic..

basically i spent the whole morning online on a mindless game.. trying to kill time. then i cleaned up my room and the back a little.. took my younger bro n sis out for lunch.. came back.. did some ironing and stuff.. (yes i know im a indonesian maid thankyou).. she msgd me.. i replied.. watched some tv with my sis.. tv.. tv.. came up.. slept a while.. and here i am now..

i need something to do....
thats why im here.. exercising my fingers and getting my retina's burnt.. ohhh, the joy of technology..

hey i hope ur doing fine k? =)

but yeah. i think im gonna find something else to do now.. how's ur day coming along u ppl out there?

i n c o m p l e t e

lost.. all i feel is that now..

and that i love...

thats all..

everything happened so fast.. i want it to slow down again.. im gonna start over.. tho right now i feel like i cant go on.. i hope she see's that this is worth something.. that im not some piece of crap by the side of the road..

she says i dont deserve to go thru this... she doesnt even hear when i say i want to because i am so in love with this girl... if she's reading.. please know that i do.. i am that guy that will..

and this song right now.. rmbr the lines.. ?

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

I wanted,I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed,I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me then let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me never let me go, (Keep breathing)
Hold on to me never let me go, (Keep breathing)
Hold on to me never let me go

dont' let me go...

i dont think it gets any more true than this..

i'll go kick something now..


but hey.. she's still talking to me =)

why

i just got off the phone.. now im wondering.. why cant i be like normal guys? the ones u see in video's and the ones i hear my friends talk abt.. the ones that look away from the girl when she's trying to talk.. that leaves the girl in tears.. the one that wont give a damn abt anything.. why?

i cant.. i cant even try to..

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be your love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be your love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

kuz i'll be the greatest fan of your life

falling..

i just dont know what to say tdy..last night i cudnt sleep.. i tried.. i really couldnt..

i dont want this to end.. i really dont.. every single part of me is saying i dont..

please fight this with me.. i'll undo the wrongs and change.. i really dont know what else to do... if she'd just tell me.. i'm dying to hear from her..

everything we've gone thru.. those nights where ive been there for her.. n her for me.. the times we've shared may it be good or bad.. the mad things both of us do... the songs i sang for her.. dont throw them away..

i went thru my phone last night.. and i looked thru my msgs she sent to me.. and the pictures she gave.. and the mad recordings we've made.. i fell asleep crying with those.. i love her..


so much i do...

and i believe in her.. that she'll pull thru.. kuz i know she can

There is a darkness deep in you,
A frightning magic I claim to,

Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Just give me something hold on to,

It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have,
It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have.

bleh..

i think i'll get jing a shirt with this on it

its raining now.. i just finished almost 4 hours of ART.. no idea how i got thru it but i did... i have come to hate and loathe painting bunga-bunga tempatan.. i hate it.. sooo much.. i nvr wanna do sth like this again after im done with this..


today has been just wrong for me.. i think i woke up on the wrg side of the bed.. i felt like shit in the morning.., shit in the afternoon.. and even now.. aihz.. got screwed in the morning by my mom. i think i bugged jing.. i got these stupid rempits staring at her in the mall.. why dont you people just GET YOUR OWN FRIGGIN GIRLS? get ur bloody eyes of MINE.. oh yea..you cant xp bwahaha.. see what i mean by there's sth wrong with me now? good..


i think im feeling like this now kuz i feel bad abt what i did to her last nite.. i know i broke her limits.. i feel like crap now that i did.. =( screw it this sucks..

anywayz.. im gonna drown my gloom in some mindless online game now la..

waiting for her to get home..

all i can do now..

peace people..

sleepless

last nite was a nite to rmbr..

thanks for letting me in..
thanks u two.. i owe u guyz alot..
u ppl know who u are =)

soo yea last nite was the FIRST time ming has done anything like that.. the influence of some people i tell you... haha. im not complaining tho..it was good.. despite the fact my heart was pumping adrenaline the speed of those blardy petrol pumps in the f1's.. and despite the yelping of that stupid stupid dog.. it was a night to rmbr.. =)

i think it was unforgetable being able to see her again..but now i cant help but feeling scared.. i mean everything's fine.. but why do i worry so much? i guess im too paranoid.. or am i.. maybe too much of a good thing is bad?.. i dunno.. but im not rdy to give up on this.. nope.. I mean, yea, maybe the fun of it all has started going down.. but.. is that bad? things starting to turn normal i guess...

i dont know.. i just feel insecure now.. im worried.. im scared..
i guess this will measure us..
both of us..

i dont know whther promises be kept .. mine will.. it always will...

and that gets me back up again...

ANYWAYZ.. yeah.. i just got back from camp.. it was good.. despite the fact that the reception there is HORRIBLE and that its sooooo frigging nice to sleep there.. cept that we cant sleep much.. life i tell u.. the unfairness of it.. lol

the swimming pool was friggin green tho.. good thing i didnt bring my trunks.. bleh...

other than that.. the place was great.. quiet, beautiful, peaceful.. yea.. those kinda places u go to, to get away from things u know? dang it i dowana get away from things xP not right now i dont.. not from her

so yea.. now its a week and a half into the holidays.. i dont know whthr i wanna say i want them to end or not kuz

• i dont want my exam results.. tho i DID dream abt getting 8 A'1s and 1 A2 and a c last nite.. heck knows why..
• i wanna keep slacking and waking up late and going out.. and sleeping.. and eating.. not like i dont do all that during skool but yea...
• i dontt wanna go back to class kuz i have kiasu kiasu ppl as classmates..
• i hate being so far away from her...
  

on the other hand.. i wanna get back to skool kuz.....

• im rotting at home...
• im gonna have to start studying ANYWAYS...
• im gonna become the family's indonesian maid very soon if this keeps up..
• at least i have something to take my mind of from missing her half the day
  

its only been 9 hrs.. but i miss her already.. i think i'm really going nutz..

i msgd her an hour ago.. and i dont know why it felt so good the minute she replies.. the minute i see my phone light up.. i light up too...

i feel better thats she's talking to me.. but guilty that i woke her up...

yeah.. ming's going n u t z over this girl...

mmhmm..

but he's not complaining..

that much.. =)